My review of the Funnel Mill coffee shop in Asshole, CA

Gentle reader, I beg you to imagine a scale.  A scale charting how cool a given person is! 

At the uttermost bottom sits the Lord of all Frat Boys, Trev's new beer-bong in hand.  This creature is a one.  Now imagine a man transcending the opaline heights of this order.  Imagine Steve Jobs.  He is a ten.

Where do you fit in this hierarchy?  Before answering, consider your honest answers to the following questions:

• Would you consider yourself a writer?
• Do you own a spankin' laptop computer?
• Does the prospect of meditating near a waterfall soothe your nerves, recently frayed from difficulty convincing your co-workers of the benefits of switching to Python?
• Is fruit improved by completing a full passage through a jungle-rat's digestive and excretory systems?
  
• Can you read Chinese?
• Do you like to look at Chinese characters anyway?
• Is this awesome?
• Would you prefer to peruse a crumbling, leather-bound menu-tome over something so pedestrian as a wall menu?

If, after carefully considering the answers to these questions, you still consider yourself to be an eight or higher, have I got the coffee shop for you!

It is called Funnel Mill, and if you like it I hate you.